THE RIVER AWAY FROM HOME: EPILOGUE

RED FRAN, WHERE ART THOU?

By: Tiffany Manchester

Red Fran: “Are you people for real? What are you doing? This is a private space. GET OUT OF HERE!”

Uh oh. Nobody can hear me. I can’t do anything except sit here and watch them raid Tish’s stuff. Those jerks aren’t going to find anything of value in here though. Yeah, dude, keep lookin’. What did you think you were going to find in a kayaker’s hostel room, diamonds? I know where she put the little bit of money she has and you’re not going to find it there. Or there. Just give it up asshole. Get out of here! 

“No wait. Not me! Nooooooo!!! What are you doing? I’m empty! There’s nothing in me. Leave me alone you don’t need me!”

…10 minutes later…

“Heyyyy!!! You’re throwing me to the curb? Wait… don’t leave me here! Oh my god, this is death itself. I’m going to rot on the side of the road like a piece of dead meat. Tish, where are you? Tiiiish!!”

(Crying silently.) 

“Oh God, please save me and I promise I’ll never complain about being dirty again.”

…72 hours later…

Joe: “Can you believe we finally made it? It’s fucking hot here. We need to decide what river to start on. I can’t believe the stupid airline broke my paddle. And they didn’t even care!”

Brent: “Sucks majorly. Like so bad. You’re lucky I brought my other one. But dude you better take care of it. You break it or lose it, you buy it!”

Joe: “I know, I know! Anyway, first things first. We need to find our hostel and drop off our stuff. Where is this place?”

Brent: “Um, I think if we walk this way, at the end of this street we take a left, and then another right, and then it should be there. Hopefully.”

Joe: “Hey, what’s that?”

Brent: “Where?”

Joe: “There. That red thing. Is that a backpack? What’s it doing on the side of the road?”

Brent: “Who knows. Ewww, don’t pick it up, Joe. It’s probably gross!”

(Picks it up anyway.)

Brent: “Joe, are you serious? You have no idea where that thing has been.”

Joe: “Yeah, but it looks legit. This is a Dana Design pack. I don’t know, man, looks like it’s in pretty good condition to me.”

RF: “Yes, yes! Take me with you. TAKE ME WITH YOU! I don’t care who you are but please don’t leave me. Don’t chuck me back on this shitty ass dirt road like those assholes did!!!”

Joe: “What did you say?”

Brent: “Huh? Nothing. C’mon Joe, stop dumpster diving.”

Joe: “I’m not! I’m taking it. This thing is in way better condition than mine. And it’s bigger. Yes! It can fit more stuff! How could anyone have thrown this out?”

Brent: “Ugh. Whatever, dude. Just keep it away from me. I don’t want to get fleas or lice or whatever disease it’s carrying.”

Joe: “Brent, it’s not an animal!”

Brent: “You sure about that?”

RF: (Whispering.) “Yes, Joe, please save me. Thank you, God. Thank you, thank you!”

Joe: “Did you hear that?”

Brent: “Dude, you’re losing it.”

Joe: “Huh. I swear I heard something.”

…20 minutes later in the hostel…

Brent: “Ah! Yay, a bed! I’m so exhausted. That long ass bus ride from Quito was something else.”

Joe: “Dude, this bag is cherry.”

RF: “Why thank you very much!”

Brent: “Please, though, will you wash it, like with soap, before you touch it any further?”

RF: “Yes! I’m not complaining, I promise. But please wash me!!”

Joe: “Don’t worry, dude. I’m about to go do it now.”

Brent: “Cool. I’m gonna have a nap, then we figure out what river we’re gonna paddle.”

Joe: “Sounds good. I’ll be washing this thing in the shower.”

…after Red Fran gets a good bathing…

RF: “Oh that felt amazing! You brought me back to life, Joe!”

Joe: (Looking around, perplexed.) “Huh?”

RF: “Yeah dude, I’m talking to you!”

Joe: “Wait. What?”

RF: “Hi Joe. It’s me.”

Joe: “What’s happening?”

RF: “Don’t fight it? Just work with me here.”Joe: “Um. Okay. This is crazy.”

RF: “Life is crazy. Just try not to overload me with too much stuff, okay? It’s not healthy.”

Joe: “I don’t know what you mean by that, or any of this, but um… okay.”

RF: “Good.”

Joe: “Hang on a sec. I just need to, um… Brent! Are you awake?”

RF: “No, dude, no. This is just between you and me. Got it?”

Joe: “Ooookay.”

RF: “Don’t worry. It’ll get easier. Just try to pack light, will you?”

Joe: (Taking a minute to accept what’s happening.) “Hmm, what should I name you?”

THE END